It started my last year at BYUI. To make this post short I will summarize my church experience then as "not so good."
A few unfriendly ward members and some experiences that I choose to take offense at left me with a different view of Mormons. After a discussion with Mom and Dad I decided that I wouldn't quit going to Elders Quorum.
In hindsight, this was a good decision; However, there were corrosive ideas in my head that had not been neutralized. These ideas ate away many of the views of the church that I had grown up with. I moved out to North Carolina and my religious views continued to dissolve.
Last month only two things really remained.
I still believed in God.
I wanted to find out what the truth was.
I would have become a Muslim if I believed it were true. There were a couple days where I read the Koran and did some research on Islam. I went to a couple atheist web pages but concluded that I was definitely not an atheist. Sarah and I considered trying out different churches.
At this time I tried to think about religion from a scientific method. I would make some axioms and build a foundation to experiment on which religion was true.
I spent a couple of days formulating these axioms.
Here is the definition of axiom from Wikipedia: An axiom, or postulate, is a premise or starting point of reasoning. As classically conceived, an axiom is a premise so evident as to be accepted as true without controversy.
After writing down several axioms and discussing them with Sarah I rejected them all but one.
A true religion cannot be wrong.
Lets just say it didn't really narrow the search down.
After pondering this list for a while I came to the conclusion that a true religion cannot be discovered through logic or theory. So, I decided that no other church or philosophy had anything more concrete than what I already had in the Mormon church.
I guess that's why it's called faith. I just need to pick a religion or idea and go with it. This conclusion gives me a different view of other people. Baptists, Muslims, Atheists and Deists are all religions that I could have ended up in. I believe Lincoln said this about the confederates "Don't criticize them, they are just what we would be under similar circumstances."
I have decided to be a Mormon. It is my faith.
Lorin
Lorin
I am glad you decided to stay. While I understand your negative experience I am glad you decided to overlook some not too Christlike behavior and concentrate on the truths and positive elements of the eternal truths that we have. There is a societal/political/personal aspect of the church and then there is the doctrine and teachings and practice. Which are sometimes quite divergent. We know a lot of people who aren't LDS who are much better Christians than Mormons are and some people of other faiths who are not. It has wholly to do with the individual rather than the particular church they are affiliated with. the LDS faith does have all the right tools though for teaching you how to be Christlike and how to serve but somehow it sometimes gets lost in all the excessive programs/expectations/appearances and such. I decided a long time ago that no matter where you are, who you associate with or what you do, you have to make it a personal decision as to what kind of Christian/Mormon you are going to be and then stick with that. Other people make their own choices and not only will you have to live with yours alone, you will stand at judgement on your own too. A thought I have had often is overall righteousness rather than comparative righteousness. If we lived in times of Noah - how would our measure be, or in times of Christ or pioneers or in the 40's rather than here, where we are. If we were plopped down in another time period, would our relative faithfulness be more or less than those around us? (cultural, social, spiritual considerations) and does God take into account our environment of living when he measures our faithfulness. People to consider in this category are many - Noah, Enoch, Lehi, Abraham, Lot, Nephi, Mormon, Alma Sr. and Helaman, Pahoran.... what is God's expectation for us?
ReplyDeleteHmmm...I never really thought about comparative righteousness.
ReplyDeleteTwo boys enter a kitchen. They both take a cookie out of a cookie jar and eat it. One gets grounded and the other is told to go outside and play. The boys were twins and had no diet restrictions that we know of. Why were they treated differently? They both acted the exact same way.
ReplyDeleteOne boy had permission to eat the cookie. In fact he was told that because he made his bed and cleaned his room the day before his mom wanted him to have the cookie. The other boy wanted a cookie because they smelled good and he saw his twin brother eating one. He ate it without permission.
We can read lots of stories, or accounts in the scriptures about this same thing. One brother was rewarded and the other was cursed. To us it seems unfair at first because we cannot see what happened in the preexistence. We do not know why we are treated the way we are or why we are rewarded for things when others are punished for living, what appears to be the same kind of life.
I find that any action that can be repeated can bring rewards. This is how a scientist does it. They try and get the same results over and over again until they can explain the outcome. Some things I repeat in my life that bring rewards are; I pay my tithing, I keep my temple convents, and I try to treat my wife in a respectable manner.
I don't have a perfect knowledge of this thing they call God. Some call him Karma. But i do know that when I do these things good things happen to me. Over and Over again. When I don't do these things life is harder for me. I don't know why it is just harder.
In religion people call these blessings. They say it comes from God. If you don't believe in God you would say the Universe has blessed you.
I know this to be true. If I do these things, I get the blessings. If I don't life is hard. It is the same for everyone and this is where religion came from. People, with a little inspiration figured out this science and decided to put down on paper the good things that could be repeated that would make our lives easier. If we repeat them over and over we get ahead. If we don't our life will be harder.
I am old enough to know that it works. I am old enough to have had the same momentary doubts as you and I wondered why they came and left. Now I know. To help you through this time in your life.
If I told you there was a new car for your wife behind the storage shed door you may not believe me. But my guess is sooner or later you would go open the door just in case I was telling the truth. I have seen what is behind the door. I know it is there. You have to have faith until you have the chance to take a look yourself.
Elders Quorum is not the Gospel. It is part of the Church. The Church will always have it's difficult parts. What I think we need to do is concentrate on the Gospel and all the truths in it. And then go to our meetings because we promised that we would. It also gives us a chance to find people like us that are having a tough time with their testimonies.
Find a way to serve others. Find a way to help others grow and you will be amazed how quickly your testimony will grow at the same time. I am talking about your testimony of the Gospel, not of the Church. Soon you will be able to look past the imperfections of people that are working in the Church and you will just be happy with your cookie.
I love you all and only wish you the best.
Dad
I have treated religion more and more like an experiment over the past year. The best experimental setup that I can think of is my family and myself. I don't try and do an experiment on religion with lasers and photo detectors because they are not the best equipment for the job. The best equipment to run the test of religion is human experience. Just like in science we can share our experiences with others.
DeleteNow all I can think about is cookies. Sarah made some really good ones the other day and there is a bag of cookie dough in the fridge. I think I will eat it when I get home.
Looking back at my experiences with the church, I am glad that the things that happened turned out the way they did. I believe that my testimony was built on the wrong things a few years ago. I think that what I am doing now is giving me a more solid foundation.
Lorin
Yeah, I think the first few years of college/marriage are a great time to re-assess your testimony.
ReplyDeleteI have been working on my testimony as well. One thing that really helped me figure some things out was a talk that Jeffrey R. Holland gave. It's called "Lord, I Believe."
I'm just going to throw this quote up, but the whole talk is really good.
"The second observation is a variation of the first. When problems come and questions arise, do not start your quest for faith by saying how much you do not have, leading as it were with your “unbelief.” That is like trying to stuff a turkey through the beak! Let me be clear on this point: I am not asking you to pretend to faith you do not have. I am asking you to be true to the faith you do have. Sometimes we act as if an honest declaration of doubt is a higher manifestation of moral courage than is an honest declaration of faith. It is not! So let us all remember the clear message of this scriptural account: Be as candid about your questions as you need to be; life is full of them on one subject or another. But if you and your family want to be healed, don’t let those questions stand in the way of faith working its miracle."
I think that's the most important thing to remember. If you're looking at faith through a mathematical/scientific point of view, make sure that your results aren't skewed. Don't let doubt count for more than your belief. Don't let one comment destroy a lifetime of belief.
I liked hearing your story, Lorin. Mom and Dad, thanks for your comments, too. I'm excited for this site!
hey p.s. love the cover picture...but where's mom? haha
ReplyDelete